Five Songs By Disney Actresses You’re Glad You Forgot About

If you were anything like me, the Disney Channel was a major part of your late elementary school and junior high years (Nickelodeon was my life until the most talented comedians on “All That” left the show). You lived for Disney Channel original movies like “Xenon: Girl of the 21st Century,” enjoyed “Lizzie McGuire” even though Hilary Duff sometimes got on your nerves, and were charmed by clownish goofball Shia LaBeouf from the very first episode of “Even Stevens.” The late 90s and early 2000s were great years for the Disney Channel, and I’m lucky to have dodged the awful programs that debuted after I’d outgrown the network, but Disney still had its weaknesses when I was a faithful viewer. Disney higher-ups seemed think turning the channel’s popular actresses into singers was always the obvious next step for each of the entertainers, and while this undoubtedly worked from a marketing standpoint, the songs were dreadful more often than not. Here are some tunes by Disney actresses that I am embarrassed to remember and would pay a large sum of money to wipe from my brain:

1. “Dive In” – Christy Carlson Romano

Several days ago, a colleague wondered aloud why “Even Stevens” star Christy Carlson Romano’s entertainment career never took off. Without explanation, I emailed him a link to her music video for “Dive In,” a 2004 pop song that used to appear onscreen during Disney Channel show commercial breaks. For the record, I think Carlson Romano is a talented singer and performer, so it’s unfortunate that this song defined her as a musician. Towards the end of high school, one of my friends began working at the Disney store and said this song made her want to resign, as it played every five minutes on the job. She quit before long, and there’s no question in my mind that “Dive In” played a role in her departure:

2. “The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room” by Hilary Duff

Let’s be honest: Hilary Duff’s name is attached to plenty of silly pop tunes, but among her worst is definitely “The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room,” which she sang for the DisneyMania album. I actually kind of liked her first hit, “Why Not?” as a high school freshman, so it’s a shame she followed up with this:

3. “Rumors” by Lindsay Lohan

Back when she was 18 and first garnering a party girl reputation, LiLo put out the song “Rumors,” which is a rant about paparazzi reporting on her wild ways. The song is whiny, but you’ll actually enjoy LiLo’s personality and sex appeal in the music video, as she hasn’t put forth energy like this in half a decade and is basically permanently comatose now.

4. “I’m Not Your Girl” by Lalaine

I always thought Lalaine got shortchanged in terms of an entertainment career, and this song of hers only confirms my argument. Several years after Lalaine’s colleague Hilary Duff fell off the face of the music scene, Lalaine came out with “I’m Not Your Girl,” and let’s just say I expected more from Lizzie McGuire’s ballsy, fearless BFF:

5. “That’s So Raven” – Raven Symone

No explanation necessary: