You Don’t Complete Me

Be your own whole sandwich.

I can’t help but feel a little disappointed when someone I’ve just met almost immediately starts rambling about the person they’re dating. “Really?” I think, “Have we already run out of things to talk about? How is it that I don’t know what you went to school for but I know that you’ve been with your boyfriend for five months and that he works as a data analyst?” To me these people are saying that the most interesting thing about them is their relationship status, which defines them more than their career, hobbies, or passions.  If I’m describing you right now, I’m sorry. But I’m also telling you to stop, just stop.

Don’t get me wrong, I think being in love is amazing. I think being excited about love is amazing! I love to hear all about my friends’ relationships and crushes, but then I already know that they prefer burritos to tacos and that Circus is their favorite Britney Spears album. If you’re dating someone, by all means talk about it. Just don’t make it the only thing you talk about, and please never refer to your partner as your “other half,” or worse yet, your “better half.” With no disrespect to Plato, living your life as though you have another half out there to complete you, and treating your relationships accordingly, is a sure way to get heartbroken, not only by your lovers but by your own expectations. This “other half” nonsense is just a romantic coverup for some serious codependency. In high school I watched the movie Me Without You, and the only thing I remember about it was Anna Friel cry-screaming the title. “There’s no me without you,” she sobbed to Michelle Williams and I froze.

That resonated with me. I had someone that there was no me without, someone I was hopelessly in teenage-love with. When we were getting along, I was happy. When we fought, I wasn’t just devastated. I was broken. I’d spend my day in a daze, trying to figure out how to make things better between us, willing to do anything for that cause. It took me years (years!) to realize it wasn’t real love, that it wasn’t even romantic. I had no identity beyond this relationship, which was unhealthy and frankly, probably made me boring as hell. I wouldn’t have loved me back either. In fact, that was the problem. I didn’t love me so I depended on someone else to do it for me. Now I see friends and strangers doing the same thing, becoming half a person to accommodate someone else. Again I say: Stop, just stop. You are your own, very whole, probably kick-ass, person. You don’t need to prove your worth by bragging about how someone totally likes you likes you, and you certainly don’t need anyone to complete you.

So You Accidentally Posted A Saucy Picture on Facebook

Accidentally uploaded a racy photo? She's been there. Most of us, at some point, for whatever perfectly acceptable reason, will take a provocative photo of ourselves. Maybe we take it for our significant other, or someone we’d like to know significantly, or for ourselves, or for a human body project, or because we’re practicing figure drawing and have no one else to model for us. And while there’s some of us who can say not only “I’m sexy and I know it” but “I’m sexy and I want everyone to know it,” most of us have a particular person or set of people in mind when we take these pictures, and generally that does not include the bevy of family members, past and current coworkers, and high school rivals that we’ve inevitably added on Facebook.

So what do you when you’ve accidentally posted a smutty picture on your favorite social networking site?

First of all, to avoid this mess in the first place, I recommend using the Thumbnail View when selecting photos to upload instead of the List View. You may think that IMG_285 is a picture of your cupcakes, but it’s actually a picture of your cupcakes (Kristen Bell knows what I’m talking about). This is not the time to trust yourself. But let’s say it’s too late for that and you’ve just realized what a terrible, terrible mistake you’ve made.

Don’t panic. Especially don’t panic and scream and turn your computer monitor off, because that doesn’t stop anyone else from seeing your mistake. Calmly delete the post from your wall. Simple, right? But that will just stop your picture from appearing in the newsfeed and doesn’t get rid of the photo itself, so find your Wall Photos album and delete the offending snapshot from there as well. While this is happening, you should be contacting your best friend. If she’s in class or a meeting, tell her it’s an emergency. This is why we have best friends in the first place. She will not only help you calm down but will check Facebook for any sign of your bare flesh aside from that embarrassing baby picture your mom tagged you in.

Once you’re sure you’ve deleted all the evidence, go ahead and post the picture you had intended on showing off. Just quadruple check it this time, okay?